A Ripped Shirt
by miss37
Summary: This is just a rather humorous short story about Jim Kirk's comment "I ripped my shirt again". How did he rip it the first time?
1. Chapter 1

_"I ripped my shirt again"._

 _Jim Kirk had muttered those words to Montgomery Scott as he walked by him after being rescued from the "tiny critters". He did not know which situation had been worse…_

 _Malenon and Feminon._ Jim looked at Spock as they were responding to a call from the chancellor on the moon Malenon, who wanted to make a treaty with the beings on the moon Feminon. "I don't know anything about these moons," Jim said.

"I have never heard of these particular moons, Captain," Spock replied.

"The ones on Malenon fled there to escape the ones on Feminon. They wouldn't give me anymore specifics than that. They just want me to come and help them."

"I will be happy to accompany you, Jim."

"I definitely don't want to go down there by myself."

As they came into view of the two moons that orbited a large uninhabited planet, Jim was standing on the Bridge looking out the front viewport. The moons looked like two marbles hanging in space. One of them looked bluish with white wispy clouds around it, and the other looked rather pink. "Well, it looks peaceful enough," he said. "Any activity on the surface?"

"Nothing, Captain," Sulu replied. "No signs of any battles or anything."

"Okay then."

Jim looked at Spock. "You go ahead and take care of the ship," he said. "I don't think there's much to worry about."

"Are you certain, Captain?" Spock asked.

"Yeah. It doesn't look like anything's going on down there."

"I will be on the ship then."

"Uhura, hail the…moon, Malenon."

Uhura sent the hail, and they got an immediate response. "On screen," Jim said.

The chancellor from Malenon appeared on the view screen. "Captain Kirk, we are pleased that you have arrived," he said. "We are ready to receive you."

"I'll be down shortly," Jim replied.

The transmission ended. "Jim, I do believe these people are desperate," Spock said. "I believe there could be more to this than we see on the surface."

"I think it'll be alright, Spock."

Spock was not too sure of that, but he would not argue. Jim went on to the turbo lift and soon arrived at the transporter room. "You got the coordinates now, Mister Scott?" Jim asked.

"Yes sir," Scotty replied. "Ready for transport."

"Energize."

Jim was soon gone from the transporter pad. "Mister Scott, keep a constant lock on the captain," Spock said.

"Yes sir," Scotty replied.

Jim appeared on the moon, Malenon, and was greeted by the chancellor, Birvon, who looked like a normal humanoid, except that he wore heavy robes. He bowed. "Captain Kirk, we are honored that you have arrived," he said.

Jim returned the bow. "I hope I can help you," he replied.

"Come."

Jim went with him, looking around at the place as they went. He thought the planet looked very peaceful and beautiful, and did not look like there had been any wars fought there. "Chancellor, what is this treaty about?" he asked.

"We will discuss that in chambers, Captain," Birvon replied.

Jim thought he heard hammering going on somewhere, and he thought he could even hear the laughter of children playing somewhere. He also noticed that he did not see many women, but mostly men, and they all seemed to be wearing what looked like heavy, concealing clothing as well. He thought it was rather warm on the moon, and could not understand their clothing.

As they entered the council chambers, the temperature was suddenly cold. Jim almost shivered, but he tried not to react, although he thought he could almost see his breath. Birvon sat down at a table. "Have a seat, Captain," he said.

Jim sat down across from Birvon and resisted the urge to fold his arms. "Are you going to tell me what this is all about now?" he asked. "I don't see any signs of war."

"This is not about war, Captain."

"Oh." Jim could not resist folding his arms anymore.

"Oh, forgive me, Captain! You are cold." Birvon motioned to one of the others and they brought Jim one of the heavy garments like they were all wearing. He put it on, and was glad he would not have to freeze to death.

"Do you always keep it this cold?" Jim asked.

"Yes."

"So, what's going on around here? What's this treaty about?"

"It's about those inhabitants on Feminon. We want them to stop taking us as slaves."

Jim was dumbfounded for a moment. "They're taking you as slaves?" he asked.

"Yes. We want to have a choice whether we go or not!"

Jim was not sure how to respond to that. "Say that again?"

"It is our choice whether we go or not!"

"To be a slave? I think I'm missing something here."

"Captain, have you not noticed anything about our planet?"

"Well…I noticed there are no signs of war."

"Captain Kirk, as I said, this is not about war."

"Then what is it about?"

"That planet is full of women! They come over here and they take whomever they want as a mate!"

Jim just sat there a moment wondering if this was some sort of joke. "We want you to make a treaty with them, Captain," Birvon said.

"Me? Why haven't you talked to them?" Jim asked.

"We've tried. They think they have a right to take us when they feel like it."

Jim had thought he had been in some ridiculous situations, but he thought maybe this one would take the cake. "And you want me to go over there to a bunch of women and try to convince them to…" Jim did not know what he wanted to say. "Are they ugly?"

"No. They're quite beautiful."

"Well, why don't you try talking to them again? How do they get here?"

"They have a transporter. They can just come over here and once they choose a mate, they take him back."

"I take it these women are formidable?"

"Quite."

Jim thought they were exaggerating. "Are you sure you guys don't really want to go with them?" he asked.

"I didn't say that," Birvon said. "I said, we don't want to be kidnapped like slaves."

Jim shook his head. "I should have brought Bones along for this," he murmured to himself. "Okay. Do you think they'll talk to me?"

"For sure, Captain."

Jim absorbed that a moment. "You're not sending me over there as bait, are you?" he asked. "I just feel like there's something weird going on here."

"I assure you, we are telling you the truth, Captain."

"How can they come over here and choose someone without you seeing them?"

"The women here help them."

Jim thought this was getting worse all the time. "Well, why don't you go over there and choose one of them?" he asked. "Just choose one out and bring her over here."

"Well, that wouldn't be very gentleman-like, would it?" Birvon asked.

"I guess not, but they're not being very lady-like either, are they?"

"Are you going to talk to them or not?"

"I guess I will since I came all this way. Just give me a little time."

Jim went outside and looked around the place, and he realized two of the guards from inside the council chambers were following him. He thought the place was a normal-looking place, like most others he had seen where people lived. They were all humanoids, and he did not see anything unusual about them. He wondered if those women thought they had to kidnap the men. Maybe they thought they were being ignored. He almost laughed at that thought. He could remember a time when he might have enjoyed being kidnapped by a bunch of women, but not now. Why had these men moved to another planet? Were the women that aggressive? He should have asked more questions, but he supposed he could ask more later. He would take Uhura with him on this away mission.

Jim took out his communicator and started to call and tell Scotty to beam him up but then someone grabbed the communicator from him. "Don't do that, Captain," Birvon said.

"What?" Jim asked. "I was about to go back to my ship."

"If you go back, you will never return."

"Yes I will. I have to inform my crew about what's going on."

"Captain, we want to trade you to them. Then maybe they will leave us alone…at least for a while."

Jim's mouth dropped open. "Oh no. You're not trading me for anything. Give me back my communicator."

"Don't make us use force, Captain. We're desperate. You just don't know what goes on here."

"I don't want to find out either. Now, hand it over."

Jim wished that he had brought Spock along now. "You can't force me to go over there," he said. With that, he turned and ran down the street of the town. He could not believe he was running from something like this. It was simply ridiculous. How did he get into these things?

On the Enterprise, Scotty was noticing that he was having trouble keeping up with the captain. "Mister Spock, I think the captain has run into some trouble," he said over the intercom.

"Why?" Spock asked.

"He's running."

"Can you beam him up?"

"Not while he's running…hold on."

When Jim stopped, he was standing behind a large tree. "Come on, Scotty," he said. He was relieved when he saw that he was being beamed up to the ship.

"Captain, were you in trouble?" Scotty asked. "I saw that you were running, and I didn't think you were exercising."

"NO, I wasn't, Scotty," Jim said.

"What happened?"

"I don't know exactly. I have to talk to Spock."

Jim left the transporter room, and met Spock on his way to the Bridge. "Are you alright, Captain?" Spock asked.

"Yes," Jim said. "Tell me something…what would you do if you thought a bunch of women would be coming to kidnap you just any time?"

Spock scowled at that question. "I am not sure I understand your question, Jim."

"You know what they're wanting me to negotiate?"

"No."

"I think we should all go to the conference room, because I don't really want to have to tell this again. Just get everyone in there."

"Yes, Captain."


	2. Chapter 2

Spock, Uhura, Bones, Scotty, and Sulu were sitting around the conference table as Jim finished his explanation about what happened. He just stood there a moment. "Well say something," he said.

"They want you to negotiate a treaty to stop women from taking them to their planet?" Bones asked. "Why did they leave the other planet?"

"I don't know."

"I don't want to go with you on this away mission. I'd just as soon not be around a bunch of aggressive women."

"I was planning to take Uhura with me. They should listen to her."

"Why would they listen to me?" Uhura asked.

"Why shouldn't they listen to you?"

"I'll try, but if you go, they may be more interested in you."

"Are you saying I should let you go alone? No."

"Suit yourself, Captain."

"We'll just make sure Scotty is ready to transport us," Jim said. "They took my communicator, so I need a new one."

Jim made sure he had the garments on that Birvon had given him, and had a new communicator. He and Uhura stepped onto the transporter pad, and they were soon down on the surface of Feminon. They looked around them, and this moon was as beautiful as the other one had been. "It's certainly a beautiful place," Uhura said.

"Yeah, just like the other one," Jim replied.

Uhura looked at the clothes the captain was wearing. "It's warm too."

"I know, but…you think they've ever seen a guy with blue eyes?"

Uhura smiled. "I never would have thought I would see you hiding from women…Captain."

Jim could see the amusement on her face. "Let's just go."

They walked out further into the town, and could not help but notice that there were a lot of women there, but men too. "They don't look very unhappy," Uhura pointed out. "Are you sure that guy over there wasn't just pulling your leg?"

"He seemed serious to me," Jim said. "How do we find someone in charge here?"

"We ask."

"Sure, if you want to do it the easy way."

Uhura smiled and asked someone where to find an official. They were directed to a building that looked a lot like it was part of the terrain, but it was technologically advanced. They could see that as they walked in.

They were directed to a large chamber, much like the one on Malenon, but this one was much more decorated and lavish. They were not surprised to find that a woman was in charge, and she had three others with her. They were all very beautiful. The leader wore what looked like a pink body suit that did not cover her legs, but she had sheer fabric that flowed around her legs as she walked. She was definitely muscular and confident. "Welcome. My name is Akira." she said. "Why do you come to this world?" She looked at Jim curiously. "I see you've been to Malenon."

"I am Lieutenant Nyota Uhura of the Federation Starship Enterprise. Our captain has been to Malenon," Uhura said. "The people of Malenon want to organize a treaty with you and your people."

"They've been asking for that for months, but we do not intend to give any such treaty."

"Why not?" Jim asked. "They say you take them as slaves."

Akira laughed. "They are not slaves. They are husbands."

"So, you go over there and just take your pick?"

"Isn't that what people usually do?"

"Well, not exactly."

"It's all part of the game. And your name, Captain?"

"Jim Kirk."

Akira walked over to him. "So you are a captain," she said as she looked into the hood he had over his face. "Blue eyes," she said. "You do not have to hide, Captain."

"Akira," Uhura said, trying to get control of the situation again. "Why do you not want to reach a treaty with the people of Malenon?"

"Because it's more fun this way," Akira replied.

"But Birvon said they would come willingly without being kidnapped," Jim said.

Akira looked at him again. "Why don't you stop hiding?" she asked.

Jim did not like the way she was looking at him, but he took the hood off, and the surprised and delighted look on Akira's face, as well as the others with her, was almost more than he could stand. "You know, you make men very nervous," he said.

"Really?" Akira asked. "You would be fought over."

"I'm not available. I'm here to try and bring peace between these two moons."

"There's no war, Captain Kirk. Everything is peaceful."

Jim wondered if it was possible to make a treaty between these two places. "Can't you see that it's not the way they want to be treated?" he asked. "You wouldn't want them to come over here and take you by force, would you?"

Akira's outfit had small gold metal decorations that hung around the fringes of her outfit and they jingled almost like chimes when she walked. Jim thought it sounded very soothing, and almost hypnotizing.

Uhura realized the captain was acting strange, as though he were in a daze. "What are you doing?" she asked as she walked over to the captain and took him by the arm.

"We never have to use force," Akira said.

"You're hypnotizing him! Stop it!" Uhura grabbed her communicator. "Mister Scott, get us out of here now!"

Akira grabbed Jim by the shirt, and almost pulled the robe off him, but Uhura jerked him away from her, and then they were transported. Jim just stood there on the transporter pad. "Captain, snap out of it!" Uhura said.

Jim looked at her. "What just happened?" he asked.

"She was hypnotizing you."

Jim dropped that heavy robe he had gotten from the Malenon. "She ripped my shirt," he said.

"Captain, I think we should leave this place and let them work out their own problems," Uhura suggested. "They're not taking anyone as slaves, and they're not harming anyone. It's not our problem."

Spock was standing at the transporter pad. "I agree, Captain," he said. "For us to go any further with this would be interfering in their culture…and you may end up a part of that culture."

Jim stepped down off the transporter pad. "I'm not going down there again," he said. "I know how they get them now though. It's a sound…" Jim felt as though he could still hear it, and it was mesmerizing.

"Captain," Uhura said, getting his attention.

Jim shook his head. "It's just weird. That must be how they can take them back without having to fight."

"I do not believe we can solve this problem for them," Spock said. "I believe they should work this out for themselves."

Jim chuckled at that. "I don't think those women are going to work out anything," he said.

"She had never seen anyone quite as attractive as our captain," Uhura remarked with a smile as she left the transporter room.

"I have to admit I didn't see anyone on that world with blue eyes besides Akira…or blond hair either."

"You must have been quite a rarity," Spock said. "Are we ready to depart?"

"Yeah. Just get Uhura to send a message to Birvon that we won't be back. It would be interfering in their culture."

"Yes, Captain."

Jim looked at his ripped shirt and headed out of the transporter room. "This job is getting dangerous," he said as he passed by Scotty.

Scotty thought it was rather amusing himself, but he was glad he was not down there…

 _As Jim walked down the corridor from the transporter room, he thought maybe it was worse to think one was about to be torn to pieces. He was not surprised that Bones joined him as he walked down the corridor and said, "Jim you look like crap." It was practically always a remark like that._


End file.
